Your mom tarofs so much that you feel like a failure if you don't finish all your food and go for seconds, thirds, or fourths. If she could, she'd probably tie you to a chair and funnel food down your throat just so you won't be hungry.
You tell your parents you're going out, they whip out a list of questions (in Farsi, of course) like: "Where are you going?", "Who's going to be there?", "How many guys, how many girls?", "Do I know their parents?", "Irooni an?"
You're 28 years old and your mom still calls you to see where you are at 9 PM and at least three times every hour after that.
You're late for EVERYTHING - parties, weddings, even funerals.
Your cologne precedes you into the room/car.
You refer to a BMW as a BMV.
You have a friend that designs websites.
Your wardrobe consists of black, black, and more black.
If your parents find out half of what you do on weekends, they'll lock you in your room for life.
You wish Waffle House had "kaleh pache" on the menu.
All the other kids bring peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to school, you bring a Kohtlet sandwich and you have to explain to everyone what it is.
If it ain't designer, you ain't wearin it.
You find cow tongue appetizing.
You know Ali.
You have to explain to "sefeeds" that a visa is not a credit card.
You refer to your dads friends as Amoo!
You have a hooka as a centerpiece in your living room.
You have a Persian rug in every room and an abundance of gold furniture and accents, all from Italy.
If someone calls from Iran or your parents call to Iran, they talk so loud that the neighbors can hear them for at least a couple hours.
You actually like carbonated yogurt drinks.
You always tarof about who will pay.
If you are having mehmoonee on Saturday night, your mom begins cooking and preparing on Monday, wakes up at the crack of dawn on Saturday to cook, and is still cooking when the guests show up.
Your parents say you're becoming "Americanized" anytime you get into trouble.
You know Samad is funnier than Jim Carrey.
You're parents have been here for 20 years, but they still say "I like dat von."
You hug and kiss relatives you have never seen before in your life.
You drink so much chaee, people think you're addicted.
You know all the local Persian restaurants within a 30 mile radius of your house.
You have to explain to all your friends that being Persian and Iranian are the same thing.
You have an endless supply of pistachios, dates, and figs.